IS YOUR EGO KEEPING YOU STUCK IN OLD PAIN?
Understanding the Survival Self, Trauma Reactions and the Path to Healing Through Mindfulness
We often think of the ego as something to get rid of an enemy within, yet in the context of mindfulness, trauma healing and emotional resilience, the ego is not the villain. It is simply the part of you that learned how to survive and a part of you that now holds you back.
Whether it shows up as overthinking, avoidance, defensiveness, or people-pleasing, the ego’s patterns are often attempts to protect you from pain even if that pain happened long ago.
In doing so, the ego unintentionally keeps old wounds alive.
The Ego’s Protective Role
Let us say you have experienced hurt, rejection or abandonment at some point in your life.
Your ego remembers, it stores that pain and begins scanning your world for anything that might resemble it, even if the threat is long gone.
To protect you, it builds armour. It might:
Pull away from intimacy to avoid being hurt again
Try to control everything so you are never caught off guard
Make you doubt yourself so you do not risk failure or rejection
React quickly so you stay ahead of anything that feels unsafe
This is not weakness — it is protection!
Yet, over time, that protection can become a prison, costing you presence, connection and the chance to grow into who you truly are.
The Cycle of Suffering
What once helped you survive can become the very thing that stops you from moving forward.
You may:
Find yourself stuck in relationships that repeat old wounds
Stay small out of fear of being seen or judged
Replay past mistakes and assume you will never change
Crave peace, but feel constantly on edge
All of this can be traced back to one internal story:
“I must not feel that pain again.”
So the ego tries to manage, control and predict but in doing so, it keeps you in survival mode.
When the Ego Shows Up in Relationships
This pattern is especially visible in toxic or emotionally painful relationships.
You might find yourself:
Walking on eggshells
Feeling responsible for someone else's emotions
Wondering, “Am I too sensitive?”
Staying quiet to avoid conflict
Craving validation from someone who withholds it
The ego is deeply active here. It believes:
“If I can just do it right, they won’t hurt me.”
“If I change myself, I’ll be loved.”
“If I keep the peace, I’ll stay safe.”
This is not your fault, it is your nervous system working in the way it was trained to and yet it is also not your truth.
Mindfulness brings you back to that truth.
It allows you to stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?”
And instead ask, “What part of me is still trying to be safe?”
That shift alone can change everything.
When the Ego Shows Up at Work
Our ego does not clock out when we go to work, in fact, for many of us, the workplace is where ego-based protection thrives the most, especially if we have experienced criticism, performance pressure, competition or burnout in the past.
In the work environment, the ego might say:
“Do not speak up — they will think you are incompetent.”
“You must always prove yourself.”
“If you rest, you will fall behind.”
“You are only valuable when you are achieving.”
It is the same survival system, just in a different costume.
You might notice:
Overworking and never feeling ‘done’
Avoiding conflict or withholding ideas
Taking things personally (like being left off an email or receiving feedback)
Feeling deeply anxious about recognition or failure
Again, these patterns are not flaws, they are signs that your system is still trying to keep you safe.
The ego often equates identity with performance and it believes: if I can just do well enough, I will be worthy, safe, accepted.
Yet this belief can lead to chronic stress, burnout or even resentment, not because your work is wrong, but because your worth has been tied to your output for too long.
How Mindfulness Softens the Ego’s Grip
Mindfulness does not try to erase the ego, it meets it with curiosity and care.
It helps you:
Notice the patterns — without judging them
Feel the fear — without fusing with it
Pause before reacting — giving you choice
Reconnect with your deeper self — the one that knows
In relationships, at work and in your own mind, this shift is everything.
You begin to live with awareness, not just reaction
You start to create space for different choices
You come home to yourself
How This Healing Looks in Real Life
Let us imagine a few common scenarios:
In a relationship:
You try harder and harder to be who someone needs you to be, yet feel anxious and invisible. Mindfulness helps you pause and ask, “What am I afraid would happen if I stopped performing for love?”
At work:
You constantly overdeliver and feel burned out, yet fear slowing down in case you are seen as lazy or unworthy. Mindfulness lets you explore, “What am I tying my value to and is it really true?”
With yourself:
You feel triggered by silence, disconnection or failure. Mindfulness helps you sit with those moments and meet the scared part of you with compassion, not control.
A Short Mindful Practice: Reclaiming Inner Clarity
I invite you to try this anytime you feel stuck, reactive or overwhelmed.
Pause and ground.
Take 3 slow breaths.
Feel your feet on the ground
Place a hand on your body, heart or belly.Name what is happening.
“A part of me feels afraid.”
“This feels familiar.”
“Something in me is trying to protect me.”Ask with curiosity:
“What pain is this part of me trying to prevent?”
“When did I first feel this way?”
“Is this situation truly the same or just similar?”
Choose presence.
Affirm gently:
I am here.
I am safe in this moment.
I am allowed to grow beyond this story.
Even one moment of mindful awareness interrupts the ego’s loop.
Reflection Prompts for Journaling
When do I feel most reactive or self-protective?
What past experience does this remind me of?
What am I trying to prove in love or at work?
What might my ego be afraid would happen if I let go?
What would I choose if I trusted myself fully?
These are not easy questions, yet, they are often the doorway to the life you want to live not the one you have been surviving.
A Thought to Hold
“When we stop abandoning ourselves, we stop settling for those who do.”
You don’t need to fight the ego
You simply need to witness it, with compassion
To meet the part of you that is afraid and gently show it something new
That is the path of mindfulness
That is the practice of presence
That is the return to self
On this journey with you
Dhama Sun - Powered by Presence, Inspired by Peace
Pause. Breathe. Be.
Jo x
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